How to get PTSD in 12 Easy Steps!!

My mother repeatedly tells me what a whiz I must be in the kitchen, and my response to her is always the same: I have no culinary prowess whatsoever, and no idea what dishes “need” to kick up the flavour... what I am really good at is following instructions. So naturally recipes are a breeze. Now, if you’re at all like me, but instead wanted to substitute, say, peking duck, for PTSD, well you’re in luck! Here’s how you can cook up the perfect batch in 12 easy steps! Feel free to download the recipe and share it with all your friends: "How to get PTSD in 12 Easy Steps!!"

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How to get PTSD in 12 Easy Steps!!

What’s that!? You wanted to increase your likelihood of developing persistent Post-traumatic Stress Disorder? Well you’re in luck! This list is full of great ideas to help get you started. Be sure to follow as many as possible to give yourself the best chance of success.

1. Be sure to focus predominantly on thoughts that have a “victim” theme: ask yourself to no avail, stuff like, Why did this happen to me? 
2. Imagine and ruminate about what could have happened 
3. Believe that the future will be the same or worse than the present 
4. Blame others with accompanying degrees of anger; or conversely, blame yourself with accompanying degrees of guilt, shame, or humiliation (whichever one you specialize in)
5. Engage in comparisons: yourself versus others; before versus now; now versus what might have been
6. Avoid, avoid, avoid: suppress unwanted thoughts, keep secrets, use substances, withdraw from areas of your life, abandon normal routines
7. See yourself as continually being vulnerable and remain on high-alert at all times
8. Definitely don’t believe that anything positive could ever result from the experience
9. Be preoccupied with how other people see you and what they think
10. View yourself as being mentally defeated, broken, or tarnished
11. Don’t seek support: if possible, try to surround yourself with critical people, or people that aren’t interested in you “moving on”
12. ​Reject faith and religion as a means of coping

Adapted from Dr. Donald Meichenbaum, Factors That Influence Who Develops PTSD. https://melissainstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/1Meichenbaum.FactorsInfluenceDevelopmentofPTSD.pdf