Your Emotions Aren't a Problem to Solve, They're Just Here for the Party

After almost 20 years as a therapist, you know what people seem to want more than anything else -- actually, I'd say, crave?

Before advice, before tools, before strategies, more people yearn to feel SEEN and NOT JUDGED.

Funnily, I've come to believe that our emotions are no different in that they generally want the very same thing. You may be surprised how many times people dread the emotion more than the actual thing it pertains to. For example, think about how often the thing you’re worrying about turns out to be way more chill than the worry itself. There’s a reason for that: 

In our efforts to control it, we become it (quote that s**t)!

Here's the thing, our emotions don't really like it when we try to control them. They might even go out of their way at times to do the opposite of what you’re trying to make them do. You see, when we try to control it, we identify with it. And the more we identify with it, the more it defines our reality. 

So what do we do then?

The next time your emotions pay you a visit, especially the unpleasant ones, consider the following:

Treat them in the way you would want your therapist to treat you.

By now many of you have seen the movie Inside Out so you might already know the following two points, but just in case:

1) Your emotions aren't bad; and, 2) Neither are you for experiencing them.

Otherwise, could you imagine if that was how your therapist treated you each time you showed up. Gross.

The next time those pesky, scary, unpleasant emotions show up, do yourself a favour: treat them with the same gentle curiosity that your therapist might show to you, and give them the space to feel seen, acknowledged, and not judged. You'll be giving your emotions a much needed opportunity to go, "(sighs in relief) ...I think I can chill now." And hey, if that doesn't work, you can always go back to treating them like sh*t cakes! 😁